Young Magic Knight: Chapter 9 (Trace)

Blue, Cleo, and I walk to the bus stop and wait quietly. No one says anything... The mood is so awkward and uncomfortable you can almost “taste” it, and I know it's kind of my fault... I feel like I had to say something. Anything. Maybe I should try and change the subject and get it out of our minds. 

“What buses are you waiting for?”

They look at me. Blue's the first to answer. “I was just going to take a bus home. Same bus I came on.”

“Me, too. What, Trace? Are you going somewhere?” I can see the curious look on Cleo's face.

“I was gonna go shopping Downtown. You coming?”

Blue seems a little nervous... “I dunno, I don't think my family even knows where I've gone... they're probably worried. I should go back.”

“I'll come.” I look at Cleo after she says that. “I'll come with you, Trace.”

“You sure you're not comin', Blue?” I ask just to be sure.

“Nah, it's alright. Just... don't have too much fun without me, okay?” He smiles.

“We won't. I'll make sure you're not missing anything, Blue.” Cleo smiles back at him. I'm happy seeing them like this. Blue likes Cleo a lot, and I can tell Cleo likes him back, although she's trying to hide it. I wonder why she's hiding that... Nah, it's none of my business. I think can be content with the two of them being happy together.

Time passes and Blue's bus comes. “See you both tomorrow.” He gets on and the bus drives away, leaving just me and Cleo. It's getting quiet again...

“Cleo.”

“Hm?”

How do I say this... “Sorry about what happened a while ago.”

“Why? It wasn't your fault.” I really don't know what to say to that...

“Well, not entirely. I did upset her, though.”

“Don't worry about it. It's not like you did it on purpose, right? You didn't know it'd get weird like that, did you?”

“Not really.” Not the full truth, but not exactly a lie, either.

“Well, come on, Trace forget about it. Our bus is right there. Let's get on.”

“Trace... where exactly are you shopping, anyway?” Cleo asks as we ride the bus. I shrug. “...Oh, come on, you can tell me. It's not like you have some big surprise waiting for me, after all.”

“I'm not hiding it. I'm just in thought.” Actually, I am kind of hiding it... As soon as Cleo sees where I'm shopping and what I want to buy, she'll probably mock me for it. Eventually, the bus arrived close enough to my destination, and we got off.

As soon as my feet hit the concrete pavement, I walk towards Page's, the Books and Literature store nearby. “Trace, wait up. Where are you going?” Can't she walk any faster?

“Don't worry about it. Come on, Cleo, if you don't pick up the pace I'm gonna leave you.” After walking for a second, we were there. I go to the Young Adults section which was to my right...

“Tr-Trace, don't tell me...” I try to block Cleo's voice from my mind as I scan the shelves...

“Here it is!” I see the book I want, and pick it from the top of the first shelf. Abandoned Blue Child.

“Trace, we just saw the movie of that--”

“All the more reason for me to pick it up. so I can see the parts of the story I missed out on. I can read the parts I know a little easier if the film is fresh in my head.” 

Yep. I'm still pissed about that. I always try to experience the source material of any movie, cartoon, or whatever. It's the only way to grasp the true form of the work. I don't care what anybody says... ABC was the first time in a while I ended up breaking this little rule of mine, and I don't think I'll get over it until I read the book. It really is Blue's fault... Y'know, I should have dragged his sorry ass over here with me and Cleo so he could pay for this for me. He wouldn't have said 'no'... Or maybe that's really why he left. He must have seen it in my eyes.

“Oh, for the love of—Trace, you're being silly! I know exactly what's going through your head right now!” I ignore Cleo and head toward the register.

“Wait. What book is this a sequel to?” I ask her, pointing to the book in my other hand.

...

that took longer than expected. Anyway, I left Page's with two books. Abandoned Blue Child, and Precious Blue Child, its prequel. I know what I'm doing tonight... Screw sleeping, sleep is for the weak. It's not like we're going to be doing anything important at school tomorrow, anyway. So, me and Cleo ride the bus home without really saying anything...

After a while, I arrive home. My parents aren't here, as usual. I guess I might as well sit down with my books... I opened up Precious Blue Child first. 

Time passes... and before I know it, I can barely keep my eyes open... It's probably midnight.

“Trace, you look terrible. You should sleep...” It's Grey.

“I'm not tired.”

“You're lying.”

“Did you just come out to tell me to go to bed?”

“Actually, I think I should ask you something, right now... Trace, is something bothering you? You didn't seem like yourself earlier.”

“...I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

I don't know what to say... “Grey, remember what I was like when you found me? You said I should try to make up for what I'd done, but... You know what I'm trying to tell you, right?”

“Trace, what does that have to do with right now?”

“...I didn't take Strife's request because it was the right thing to do. I took it because... because I wanted to be forgiven.” I stop to think for a second. “Grey, you've helped me become a better person, but I feel like I'm going to end up disappointing you.” I can feel Grey's worry... “If I do kill one of those people... I just feel like I'm going to turn back into who I was three years ago. I just... don't want you to see me like that...”

“Trace, that is not going to happen.” For the first time in a while, I almost feel like crying...

“If it does, can I ask that you forgive me...?”

Grey is silent.

“Grey?”

“Trace, you're just tired. You'll be fine, just... just go to sleep...”

He cuts the link, and I start to feel even more tired. I crawl into my blankets and try to sleep. I'm worried, and scared, but at the same time, curious... Is this how I should feel? It's finally starting to sink in... 

I wonder. Will I be able to kill again?